MARRIAGE.
Marriage is such a full word. Sometimes heavy, sometimes light. A good thing to some, a not-so-good thing to others. A thing that some people are drawn to & that others are fearful of. After having been married now for close to 6 1/2 years (and I know that's NOTHING compared to all the sweet ol' couples who have been together for, like, 50 years!!!).....I have learned a lot about marriage. Some good, some bad, some ugly, some beautiful. :)
Growing up as a kid, especially as a little girl, I remember that every friend I ever had dreamed about their future wedding day. And dreamed about meeting Mr. Perfect. And dreamed about what their wedding dress would look like. And dreamed about how many children they would have. And dreamed about sittin' on the front porch on a porch swing living happily ever after. :) Oh yeah, don't forget the lemonade with ice in it. And cookies. And cows in the pasture and chickens on the lawn. Come on, you know you had that dream..... :)
Well, as a teenager, I flip-flopped back and forth over not knowing what I wanted. (SHOCKING, right?!) hahahaha :) I had a couple boyfriends who were SO good to me & because of them, they are ultimately the reason why I began to have thoughts about the "dream" of marriage and the future. I had some weeks where I couldn't wait to become a "business woman" and make tons and tons of money so that I could buy whatever I wanted. I had some weeks where I had the typical female dream of wanting what everyone else wanted......a cute, tall, dark, handsome man....to be loved every day....a porch swing.....and maybe a kid or two thrown in there somewhere. ;)
As a married adult right now (35 years young!), I take note of the CMT channel playing at the gym in the early mornings. Country music is my favorite....always has been. There are certain artists in the country world that just really speak to my heart and send a good message.....and remind me what life is about. What's the point of this? Well, the CMT channel plays the video's that the artists have made to go with their songs. In a lot of the songs, they have these perfect love scenes.....either inside or outside. The inside ones are beautiful, perfect lighting, perfect bodies, perfect landscapes outside the windows.....and you get a big jolt of the electricity that happens between love & desire & passion & lust......between 2 beautiful people. The outside ones are equally as beautiful....with the perfect country setting, the cutest old trucks, adorable farms, perfect lighting, perfect bodies....and you get the feeling of freedom, fun, adventure, joy, happiness & everything perfect that goes along with the word LOVE. Again. The dream. The fairytale, right?
So, most of you already know.....I write songs. The first FULL song I wrote was shortly after my Mom died & I still haven't shared it with anyone, not even my husband. (Sorry, babe!!) :) Well, Journee & Hudson have heard me play it and sing it several times.....but they're an easy audience. :) They think anything of mine is fabulous, thank goodness! SO, it is kind of a little secret of mine right now (or NOT so secret now!) that I want to write a country song & make a special video with it that entails something kind of like what MY life is like. You may ask, "What does that mean?" And I'll tell you back that I'm not quite sure, but it for sure isn't like most videos I see. Mine would have my kids bangin' on the bedroom door and/or breakin' in when Mommy & Daddy are trying to get a little lovin' (sorry if I offend anyone, but hey, all you married people know EXACTLY what I'm talkin' about.....It is what it is....there's LOTS of quickies in marriage when you have small children!!!).....and I would include footage of me constantly falling asleep on the couch with 3 small children in my arms.....and I would include the baby puking all over my church outfit after I finally was able to spend 20 minutes getting myself ready (just to be able to now NOT go or to have to go change my clothes again). I love real life stuff. The nitty gritty. It's so hard, but it's so real.....and because it's so real, it's beautiful to me. The hard stuff is how I learn. Don't get me wrong, I (just like anyone), dream about amazing romance just like the video's show....and I dream about making love in all kinds of perfect places (or for ANY place kid-free for that matter).....and I dream about all the perfect scenario's that a sometimes single life can bring......but then again.....
I always come back to what I have.
I have four beautiful children who are my life! They were made in and through LOVE. Even though they can totally ruin romantic moments, they are soooo beyond worth it. And please tell me they'll outgrow this being small stage, right?! :) But do I REALLY want them to grow up and get older?!! :( They are so precious! When I look at my kids, all I can think about it LOVE. They ARE love. What else do I have? I have a husband that I have caught several times shootin' me a cute grin when he catches my eye while he's on the tractor working. I have seen him eyeing me and checking me out when he doesn't know I saw him. I have seen him make me dinner SEVERAL times. I have seen him build me things. I have seen him work extra hours to make ends meet. I was told that he cried when we had our first really bad miscarriage.....but he stepped out, because he didn't want me to see him crying, because he wanted to be strong for me in my super weak moment. I have seen him sneak into the shower some days just to get a "feel" and to give me a good hug.....AND to TALK away from the kids. (Trust me all you young ones....the shower is sometimes the only place to talk). :) I have a perfect, beautiful landscape to wake up to every single morning & to go to bed to every single night. Seriously, it truly is stunning! I have craziness in this house, but lots of happiness. I have very energetic kids who don't understand the meaning of "mommy needs a break", but I have HEALTHY children & that will always be the most important thing to me. I have a small, modest house....yet it is all I want, need & desire. I'm just not into all those new houses that are built that all look the same. (Nothing against those of you who live in them and like them....they're just not my thing!) :) And my small house means that we're always a really CLOSE family. My teenager would say "TOO CLOSE!!!", but I love that we're close.
Ok, so, what is my point and why was this post titled "Marriage: Fight or Flight?" Well.... Ok. So. I'm just gonna say it.....MARRIAGE IS SO FREAKING HARD. It is. It's the truth! And it will constantly go back and forth from hard.....to awesome. Crazy to perfect. Insane to beautiful. Hmm....To blend two adult personalities and try to meld together a lifetime of learned habits/thinkings/schedules/routines from both parties......man, it is hard. I personally felt like I went straight from being a little girl to being an adult with serious responsibilites! I mean, I woke up one day and there was a MAN in my bed!!! (oh yeah, I'm married....When did that happen?!!) :) But then I realize, we're ALL little girls and little boys, just inside bodies that unfortunately grow! Being an adult is difficult!!!
We all always have a choice in marriage....throughout our whole marriage. We can choose to wake up every day and fight a good, worthy fight for our marriage....or we can fly. We can run away from it all. I know an overwhelming number of friends/people that want to get divorced due to the feeling of no more romance in their marriage. They think it's gone. They think their husband or wife doesn't love them anymore. They think their husband or wife doesn't find them attractive anymore. They no longer make love. They no longer make time for themselves together away from the kids. They are overwhelmed by the stresses of life.
Marriage is not something I was taught a ton about, I just remember my parents always wanted the best for us & they obviously wanted us to marry someone that would be good to us. But when it comes to marriage, for ME anyway, I was like a deer in the headlights when I got married. All of a sudden, you get married.....and you're on a honeymoon.....and you're in a beautiful hotel room with a man. Whoa. I went back and forth from thinking "this is AWESOME!!!" to "this is crazy" to "this is weird" to "this is FUN!!!!" to "this is hilarious" to "ummmmm". :)
Again, what is my point.....
We, as a culture, do talk about the "dream" of an amazing wedding a LOT to teens....but I'm hoping we can all do better of portraying what a REAL, NORMAL marriage is like.....especially after the hub-bub of the wedding is done and after the "honeymoon stage". When marriage gets tough (which it will), fight through. Remember why you fell in love in the first place. Remember why you chose each other. Remember that this person wanted you over anyone else. Do things for each other constantly. Almost always, what you give, you will get back!!!!!!!!!!! Don't forget that!!!
Along with all of that, don't forget that there is no perfect marriage. EVERY marriage takes lots and lots and lots and lots of work, patience, understanding, compassion, goals, etc. AND....there are so many things that go on behind closed doors in a marriage. What I mean by that is.....Someone can seem perfectly happy from outside appearances, but could maybe be dying inside due to domestic abuse. Someone can be funny and make jokes a lot, so you think they're super happy, but inside, they're crumbling and making jokes because they don't want to talk about the bad stuff.....because they hurt THAT much. If you know about these situations, BE THERE for those people!!!! And if you are one of those people, PLEASE know that you can write me with the promise of complete confidentiality. I have a good listening ear.
In MOST normal situations with marriage, I would almost always choose to FIGHT.....Because the blessings of marriage and children are amazing, even with all the added craziness it can add to an already crazy, hard life.
Please understand.....when I write these blogs, I'm writing mostly to myself. :) Always. :)
Here's something I really like.....
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